I consider myself pretty lucky that I have not experienced a lot of hardship in my life, so I really can't say that anything has been incredibly hard to handle.
But when I look back, I consider 2005 my hardest year.
I started dating a boy (my very first real relationship). We had lots of fun and I felt comfortable with him as we were friends first. I was still so young that I honestly didn't think much into the future. After a few months of dating, he broke up with me. I had never dealt with a break-up before, so I didn't know how to react. Initially, I was sad...not necessarily because of the break up, but because I was losing a friend. For the first few months, I missed him. I think it would have been easier, but my best friend had left for the summer also. I found myself surviving every day.
Luckily, I had been called as president of my sorority. I made a choice to dedicate myself to that. Serving others was the best remedy for loneliness. That alone got me through the summer.
Fall came, and different feelings came. School, sorority and football all came back, and that meant that the life I had with him came back. Sadness quickly turned to anger when I found out some stuff that had gone down with him. I found that the feelings had not disappeared, only were suppressed. I was sad and lonely, and he had moved on. He wasn't crying every night because he missed me? What?? How could this be??? I was mad at him, but really I was mad at myself.
Eventually, I got over it. We started being cordial to each other, and that turned into hanging out in a group, then hanging out alone. It was confusing but I just went with the flow. To make a long story short, I started to fall again, slightly. Christmas Eve 2005 came around, and that meant the past year of my life had been dedicated to this boy. We went to a movie that afternoon, and I wondered if this was the start of something...again. As we were sitting in the movie, I noticed he was texting someone. Turns out, it was another girl. He was making plans to see her that night. I just shook my head thinking "You are such a fool, Emily". As he drove me home, I remember thinking "This will be the last time I will ever be with him" I was right.
I felt nothing. No sadness, no anger, no jealousy...nothing. That was exactly what I needed. It kicked my butt into gear. I do remember New Years Eve very vividly that year. It is the night that I made a decision to live my life. I stopped worrying about boys. I lived my life for me.
Guess what happened 6 months later...I met Brian.
And I have been happy ever since
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